雅思作文批改网

雅思作文批改网

新东方批改网给的雅思作文分数准不准与考试时候区别大么

个人感觉还是有些差距的,老师一般都会给比实际水平高一分到0.5分的分数,免得伤大家自信心!呵呵

不明白啊 = =!

雅思作文求批改 求指导!!!真心感谢!!!!! 不好意思没财富值了 谢谢

正文:
第一段: more and more —–a growing / an increasing number of
第二段:cultivate —- be cultivated / acquire
these children are more competitive in such positions as they are familiar with compared with those who do not take paid work.—-with those who do not take paid work, these children are more competitive in such positions as they are familiar with.
doing these jobs help —-doing these jobs helps
understand—- understanding
how difficultly it is earned by their parents—-how difficultly it is for them to earn money/support a family
so that children could form —-which will make great contributions to forming
第三段:those who do not agree with doing paid work—-those who do not agree to do paid work
they should be concentrate —-they should concentrate
they need to play with their partners —- they are supposed to spend more time with family members
these works —such work
should not have to burden —-should not have been burdened with (本不应该承受的)
this would not be kind —-it is evidently unfavorable (显然这是不利于)
Not only should be learning skills considered—-Not only should learning skills be considered
accounted for—allowed for (考虑到)
It is in this way that society can create a better future for children.—-It is in this way that children who take paid jobs can better adapt themselve to the society in their adlut life.(要不要做有偿工作取决于孩子自己,这样写,更显出发挥孩子自己的主观能动性;本来,这个事情就是因人而异的,不能太期待整个社会的改变)

有几个不错的雅思论坛 更专业 比如 太傻超级论坛 无忧雅思网

已发,记得给我财富值!
再看看别人怎么说的。

很好

雅思作文批改

Job, like marriage and child education is considered as an eternal topic discussed by nearly all individuals. And some people believe salary level is the sole determinator in hunting for the job.
They claim the aim of undertaking job is income generation. Although the factors such as training opportunities and personal interest are important, they cannot replace the position of payment level in determining whether to accept the job offers. And it is the action of chassing for the higher payment that is in line with the primary purpose of work. All other factors as they believe can only be valuable when the requirement of high payment is filfulled.
Nevertheless, this view has been challenged. As others believe that job which is considered as the essential component of peoples lives cannot be determined solely by the salary level. Some high income earners are currently working under high presures and their healthy condition have become big concerns. And if this situation is continued, some serious problems would be triggered including some serious psychological and physical deseases. Thus, what they believe is all fectors ranging from career development to job satisfaction should be comprehensively taken into consideration for seaking a decent job.
In my view, payment is an important but not the only factor in job seeking. Other factors such as whether the job is in accordance with the personal goal should also be considered. And only by doing it, can we select the most decent jobs for ourselves.
这是我的版本,我觉得大概6分吧。
你第一段可以稍微简单一点,毕竟这只是一个开头。
把主体段落扩充一些。还有就是注意一下语言的简洁

你好,很高兴能我解答:
你可以将你的作文发给我们,我们可以为你免费批改作文,还可以为你制定适合你的雅思学习计划!
在告诉你一个雅思写作应注意一下几点:
1、注重写好文章的框架
我曾经问过我们世纪雅思的外教老师, 外国人看文章最注重的是什么, 他告诉我说是文章的framework. 即一篇文章好不好, 首先看的不是他的句型, 词汇, 或是论点等。 而是段落之间的衔接一定要十分清楚,我们不能老是采用大三段的形式-开头,经过, 结尾。我们可以多用用连接词, 例如:first of all, morever, secondly, lastly等,另外可以多分自然段, 给考官一目了然的感觉。还有我们可以多看看国外的文章, 看看他们的写作模式, 我当初写文章的时候, 用的就是我看到一篇国外文章的模式,我觉得可以套用, 我最后介绍给大家。
2、句型的多样化
如果一篇文章, 从头到尾, 永远用的只有一种句型, 那么这篇文章一定拿不到高分,我们可以适当的改换一下句型, 我给大家一定建议,希望给大家有点帮助。
3、基本句型包括 ⅰ.主谓句;ⅱ. there be;ⅲ. 主系表结构的句子;ⅳ. 被动语态(我看到一张帖字说, 不要用被动, 我不这样认为, 国外的文章, 用被动的也比比皆是。)
4、复杂句型 包括 ⅰ. 并列句;ⅱ. 从句(定语,状语,名词性,非谓语)
5.词汇的variety
说实话做到这点真的很难, 首先你要有庞大的词汇量,第二你要用的恰当,不出错误。我自认做不到这点,所以我用的词汇有时候会重复。当然大家可以累计一些固定搭配的词汇,例如:激烈的竞争 fierce competition等
6、多举example(重要)
大家不要小看这点, 我认为对于写作基础不是很好的考生来说, 这点是最重要的。一篇文章如果让你从头到尾都在讲道理, 你有这么多话要说吗?而且有时候还不一定说的清楚。那么这时候你就用例子来表明你的观点。我认识一个朋友, 可以说她的英语基础很差, 但她的文章也拿了6分, 我问她怎么写的, 她告诉我说就是拼命的举例子。就这点我也曾问过外教老师, 他曾是ielts的考官, 他说考官欢迎考生多举例子。
7、建议:
1)、写文章最关键的就是审题千万不要出错误, 不然就前功尽弃了。
2)例如我积累的句子:
cultivate independence
develop a strong sense of responsibility
enhance social awareness
build up one’s confidence and offer one’s a sense of achievement—realize ones value and capacity
widen one’s horizon and sharp one’s character
这些句子比较常用, 而且在口语考试中也可以派上用处。最后给大家介绍一种写作模式,我觉得很不错:
with unprecedented advances in medical technology, a debate has developed over whether or not a person on life support has the right to die. on one side of the debate are those who say that...... on the other side is the view that...... in my mind, i completely agree/disagree the later .
there is no denying that ......has many positive effects. to begin with,......secondly, ...... finally, ......
however, every coin has its two sides. ......is no exception. many opponents say that ......
to conclude, .....
祝你取得理想雅思成绩!!!
如果你需要雅思学习资料和雅思备考资料可以在百度hi里和我沟通,我传给你~~

雅思作文批改第四弹

雅思作文批改第四弹 [网络可以替代学校吗]
Some people believe that school are no longer necessary, because students can get so much information through the Internet,and study just as well at home.To what extent do you agree or disagree
审题:
1. 题干: 网络时代, 学校不再必要. A/D 没有陷阱
2. 结构:开头段 + 让步 + 观点段 + 结尾段
3. 观点:internet 优点 (方便,信息量大), 但同时有缺点(互动,要求时间管理和自律,信息筛查,信息碎片化)
学校优点(综合能力发展)
开头段
①It has been claimed that nowdays pupils can gain a variety numbers of learning resources from the Internet, and it is the same for students to study at home, ②so there is no need for school to educate students. ③From my perspective,i do not agree with this statement.
[1]有用法错误和意思错误
a. nowadays 而不是 nowdays
b. a variety numbers of 是错误用法. 可以用 a large variety of 或者 a variety of
c. 果你这里说家里学习和学校学习same的话 后面论证学校的优点就没意义了, 用from the internet, which makes it possible for students to
[2] so there is no need 和前面的it has been claimed 太远了. 可以改成Some claim
schooling is no longer needed as pupil can gain a variety of learning resources from the internet, which make it possible for students to study at home.
[3] 我一向建议直接 I disagree with them 就可以了, 不用搞那些花花。
[4] 综: Some claim schooling is no longer needed as pupil can gain a variety of learning resources from the internet, which make it possible for them to study at home. I disagree with them.
让步驳斥段
① Internet is a powerful tool to engage students,because it can make lesson more interesting. ② Students can study whenever or wherever they want at their own pace by using online study resources. ③ In addition,pupils can learn some employable skills which can make them secure a decent job in the future. ④ For example,they can learn how to write reports using word processor which cannot be seen in school curriculum. ⑤ Therefore, learners can receive well-rounded knowledge through the Internet.
[1][2] 要学会整合信息, 不然读起来毫无逻辑性. With abundant information available on line, Internet can serve as a charming and convenient tool for study as it enables students to enjoy knowledge acquisition, study whenever and wherever possible and learn things at their own pace.
[3]a. employable skills 这是个奇怪的说法useful/practical skills都是常见的用法
b. secure a decent job for them
c. Also, students can learn from the internet some practical knowledge and skills excluded from school courses to secure a decent job for themselves.
[4] 这个文字处理牵强了点吧, 我觉得还不如说 how to programme or use popular software
[5] 这句没必要咯
综: 这个最好是把两个观点顺序调一下头, 先说能学到, 再说能让人有兴趣地方便地学.
First of all, students can learn from the Internet some practical knowledge and skills excluded from school courses to secure a decent job for themselves. With abundant information available online, furthermore, Internet can serve as a charming and convenient tool for study as it enables students to enjoy knowledge acquisition, study whenever and wherever possible and learn things at their own pace.
观点段
①However, Internet is no substitute for schools, because school knows what study materials to choose and learners need a structured course. ②There is not doubt that there are a massive numbers of information, but it is too hard for students to figure out whether it is useful or not. ③Thus,pupils may spend too much time on filtering ineffective information and searching valuable resources which seems time-wasting for learners. ④Furthermore, Internet can easily distract students from studying, because there are so many online games in contemporary, without school’s supervision ,pupils may addicted to online gaming and drop out of studying.
[1] school knows what study materials to choose and learners need a structured course. 这一句稍微有点问题, and 后面不应该变换主语. because schools can choose study materials and plan courses according to the academic ability of their students.
[2] 表意不到位 The abundance of information online is not as useful as it seems to be for it is too hard for students to figure out which is suitable for them.
[3] 车轱辘话, 前面说了 too much, 后面没必要再说time - wasting了
[4] a. in contemporary 没必要 there is 就表明时间了, 这里可以用beckon to them 诱惑着他们.
b. 如果后面不加解释 如此..以至于 的话, 前面不要用so
c. without前面肯定要断句的
d. addicted 前面要加become
e. drop out of study 一般drop out 和 school 用, 但这里有点严重了. 说slack off够了吧
后面说一个原因as they are often not able to discipline themselves and manage time well.
综: However, Internet is no substitute for schools mainly because schools can choose study materials and plan courses according to the level of their students. In addition, the abundance of information online is deceivingly useful as it is time - consuming for students to figure out which is suitable for them. Lastly, Internet can easily distract students from studying, as there are so many online games beckoning to them. Without the supervision of school ,pupils may become addicted to online gaming and slack off as they are often not able to discipline themselves and manage time well.
这一段完成得偏了, 应该从学校的角度来写
结尾段
From the discussion above, it is ridiculous to say that school are no longer necessary, as schooling can do more than just knowledge delivery. And if students can make full use of online resources it will definitely serve as commentary means to school education and help them to have better grades.(251 words)
Task Response 5.0
Coherence & Cohesion 5.0
Lexical Resources 5.5
Grammar Accuracy 5.0
Overall 5.0
观点安排失当. 包括断句在内的基本语法错误. 定语从句的分类不懂.
需要改进的第一就是整篇结构, 学会安排观点, 第二学会断句
这两点做到了先拿到5.5

line graph -- curve graph/diagram
represents(代表,是有象征性的) -- shows/demonstrates
accompanying 去掉
some popular countries uk residents visit at the same time
during the years of 1979 and 1986 -- from ... to ...
increased slightly from 10 millions to about 13 millions during ...
by uk residents 去掉
as people who traveled to england -- while/and
gradually -- steadily
from 12 millions to 20 millions at the same time -- 去掉at the same time:前面已经有meanwhile
uk residents visited abroad -- visiting
which is peaking at -- peak at
who were coming to travel -- coming to travel
30 millions -- 30 million
until 1999 -- in ;or you can say: rose from 13 million until 1999(approximately 30 millions).
when study --studying/looking into/analysing
visited by uk residents 1999 -- 尽量不用被动
some european countries of france -- such as/like/eg...
of american and turkey -- like
france by far the most popular -- is
choose to travel -- choose to travel in/choose/go to
comes the second country for uk residents to visit -- comes the second; for uk residents to visit 删掉
which is little less -- a little
than that for france -- than those going to france
somewhat surprising -- somewhat surprisingly
traveled -- ing
recorded here as relatively low in the same chart -- are ... the lowest... in the chart
they are -- namely/that is/viz

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