雅思作文求批改 求指导!!!真心感谢！！！！！ 不好意思没财富值了 谢谢
第一段： more and more —–a growing / an increasing number of
第二段：cultivate —- be cultivated / acquire
these children are more competitive in such positions as they are familiar with compared with those who do not take paid work.—-with those who do not take paid work, these children are more competitive in such positions as they are familiar with.
doing these jobs help —-doing these jobs helps
how difficultly it is earned by their parents—-how difficultly it is for them to earn money/support a family
so that children could form —-which will make great contributions to forming
第三段：those who do not agree with doing paid work—-those who do not agree to do paid work
they should be concentrate —-they should concentrate
they need to play with their partners —- they are supposed to spend more time with family members
these works —such work
should not have to burden —-should not have been burdened with (本不应该承受的）
this would not be kind —-it is evidently unfavorable (显然这是不利于）
Not only should be learning skills considered—-Not only should learning skills be considered
accounted for—allowed for (考虑到）
It is in this way that society can create a better future for children.—-It is in this way that children who take paid jobs can better adapt themselve to the society in their adlut life.(要不要做有偿工作取决于孩子自己，这样写，更显出发挥孩子自己的主观能动性；本来，这个事情就是因人而异的，不能太期待整个社会的改变）
有几个不错的雅思论坛 更专业 比如 太傻超级论坛 无忧雅思网
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the season of light, it was the season of darkness. It was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair. We had everything before us, we had nothing before us. We were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way ——in short, the period was as far as the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.
In my a opinion, the beginning of the “Tale of Two Cities” was not only the portrayal of modern society, but was also a warning of an era. Charles Darnay, anephew of Marquis St. Evremonde , gave up his knighthoods and property to become a successful teacher of French in London. He tried his best to become a ordinary citizen to obtain the recognization of French civic.Then he fall in love with Lucie Manette whose father suffered persecution for Marquis St. Evremonde, what a funny joke of fate!
I believe the love could dissolve hatred, a matter of fact Dickens had the same viewpoint with mine. “It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.” The end of the story give a nice ending for Charles and Lucie, they live together with harry for ever.
Equality and fairness are what people seeking, which led to the French Revolution. But these so-called "patriots" would like to see more and more innocent prisoners going to the guillotine, was that true How many innocent person have died in democracy
Charles Darnay , anephew of Marquis St. Evremonde , giving up his knighthoods and property to become a successful teacher of French in London，tried his best to become a ordinary citizens to obtain a recognized of French civic.
Equality and fairness is what people seek, ledding to the French Revolution
we still fall behind .why 这里可以改成 why we still fall behind 这样就不用这么罗嗦了》。。。。
i will strength my views from three sides ,here are they: 额……整个句子好像有点不大好…..你可以改成这样：there are three main point that i want to talk about. (如果你不喜欢的话，可以用你自己那句，还有，我觉得你分了太多段落了，一般 5大段就足够了，）你可以将i will strength my views from three sides ,here they are 和下一段合成一段。
the second should be the professor, some professors never consider for their students. they only concern about how much money they can get from the university if they apply for a new research project or give a report to other colleges.this can be horrible, for they forget their responsibility to nurture the students 这里可以合成一段，因为那句是你自己的感受，完全可以合成一段落噶…..
they make us crazy and make dont want to learn anymore 这里 不需要两个make 一个就足够了，还有我觉得句子不够生动，所以帮你修改修改：they make us crazy and lost the intrested in english.
好有我觉得你老是 first ,second 的……弄到整篇文章很死板，这些过渡词也生动一点啊…..我给的过渡词的例子你吧： first of all, (一般用在开头） from my point of view, i belive that, in my opinion 等 这些都可以取代the first is 。 还有那句 the first is the student first 应该改成：the first reson is student.
说会过渡词…. next， further, equally important , beside,more important等，可以代替 the second should be ，我觉得你这句 the second should be the professor，可以改成：beside, the professors are the mian reason that make us fall behind as well. 这样听起来没有这么生硬….
the most important , it seems to me that ,yet , furthermore 等可以代替你的the last one must be，你这话听起来好像在骂人…..语气不大好…….还有the last one must be the headmasters. they never do something practical for the students,and like the formalism instead. 这两句可以用并合句的方法合成一句….还有我觉得过渡词用的不是很好….所以帮你改了改..:it seems to me that the headmaster of the school is the mian reason why the distance between us and the students in other countries are so far as well, beacuse they never do somthing partical for the student. 这样听起来比较有色彩一点又能表达你的意思….
they often go out to visit some famous universities ,but never do some change . they also have the wrong belief ,the more you learn,the harder you work ,the better you will be. 这句也是，可以有compound sentence的方法将两个句子合成一句：they often go out to visit some famous universities ,but never do some change，and the also have the wrong belief. they believe thatthe more you learn,the harder you work ,the better you will be. 你说了wrong belief，就要另起一个句子来介绍那个错的信仰是什么，这样的话比较好……
its the problem we are facing. we need to change something. if we fail to do so,we will never ,never catch up ,and forever fall behind. 在个句子去加一个过渡词比较好，列如：in summation, obviously 等等….这两个用来总结是最好的啦….. its the problem we are facing. we need to change something.应该改成： those are problems that were facing about,and we need to do something to solve it. 因为上面你说了三个重要的原因（问题）造成中国的英语比不上外国的，那么就要用复数了…..need to change something, 你想说解决这些问题是吗，那就要用solve（解决）啦
Some people think pollution and damage of environment are resulted from a country developing and becoming richer, and this is hard to be avoided. To what extent do you agree or disagree
In present day society, the human race is progressing at a staggering rate （用的好词语）in multitude arenas. Accompany all the boons brought about by it also generate heat discussion. In term of polluting environment, some people think it is attributed by a country developing and this is hard to be avoided. To contrast, the other people argue that damage of environment is leaded by citizens are lacking awareness of protecting circumstance. In my essay, I will discuss this pressing problem.
In term of polluting environment, some people think it is attributed by（attributing to） a country developing and this is hard to be avoided.
In term of polluting environment, some people think it is chiefly attributing to the constant procedure of country developing ,which is unlikely inevitable to our environments.
To contrast, the other people argue that damage of environment is leaded by citizens are lacking awareness of protecting circumstance.
To contrast, the other people argue that damage of environment is leaded by citizens who are lacking awareness of protecting circumstance（circumstance词用的不准如不打算用environment可用 habitat and planet）
With the rapid development of urban, more and more traffic vehicles appearing, following this, vast of harmful gases are discharged to the environment. Carbon dioxide is the most detrimental substance of them, meanwhile, is also the main component of greenhouse gas. As a result of constant growingly carbon dioxide, it will effect global warming, then the ice-caps and glaciers in the poles will melt and the level of sea rise. It direct causes some extent of regions and countries are submerged in the vast ocean. According to the BBC news, a polar bear was drowned in the Arctic Ocean, the wretched creature died without know why the glaciers are thawing. In fact, the culprit is the greenhouse gases. 是自己写的吗 还是copy 过来的。。。
From the mass media，the plight （剑四第一篇阅读词汇热带雨林那片Y F NG出现的）of Polar bears is a symbol as globe warming）
As a result of constant growingly (不断地增加constantly growing )carbon dioxide, it will effect(导致 give rise to) global warming, then the ice-caps and glaciers in the (Antarctica) 这可是剑7 剑五听力高频场景词汇呀。。。 poles will melt and the level of sea rise
Carbon dioxide is(one) the most detrimental substance to them, meanwhile, is also the main component of greenhouse gas
Be detrimental to 而不是be detrimental of
Nonetheless, some people still argue that if raising people’s awareness of protecting environment and take immediate measure, we can curb the proliferation of pollution. For instance, the government should appeal using the new-clear power to replace the petrol. （to harness the new-clear power）
Having considered the both views, my conclusion is （that表语从句） if we can develop the economic and increase the sense of protecting environment at the same period, the problem will be solved soon.
基本可以 估计 5.5左右 分可能性最大。。。。
有点跑题 说的是 污染 破坏环境导致国家发展 富裕
你开始写 陆地沉没 后来写 如何 解决） 那么与带来发展有何关系。。。。
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